


5 times lucas & eliott play truth or dare, and 1 time they don't.

by jebentnietalleen



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2021-01-23 03:16:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21313288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jebentnietalleen/pseuds/jebentnietalleen
Summary: a lovely anon gave me the following prompts to work with: 2: “i’m not playing truth or dare” & 20: “i’m done. we’re done” and this is what came out of that. whoops.
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 26
Kudos: 275





	1. Chapter 1

The first time they play truth or dare it’s because they are all bored out of their minds. Daphné had successfully talked everybody into helping out and spruce up the foyer. She got it into her head that it would look good on her resume if she would participate in extracurricular activities, and said that by helping her out, they could all put on on their resume as well. Nobody bothered to tell her that she was probably the only 16-year-old in the world who was thinking about her resume and what would look good on it.

The truth of it was, disappointing Daphné wasn’t fun for anybody. She could get cranky and mean, and she was very stubborn. Somehow, she always managed to convince people that whatever she had planned next was a good idea. This time, the thing that convinced them the most was the fact that by redecorating the common room, they had a space to hang out in after school or in between classes. Maybe even throw a party or two.

Well, for most of them that was the reason they said yes. For Lucas, it was because Eliott would be there.  
It’s pretty simple, really: wherever Eliott goes, Lucas follows. They’ve been best friends for as long as he can remember, and whenever one of them was without the other, the rest of the gang asked questions. To Lucas they’d say: ‘where is your better half?’ which earned them a big eye roll and, in some cases, (Basile) a big shove as well. Eliott would usually get a question like: ‘how did you manage to get away from our grumpy boy?’ Which: rude.

What they don’t know, and what Lucas has been trying to ignore himself, is that lately, Lucas has been feeling more than friendly towards Eliott. It’s stupid, really, that all this time he didn’t really see how amazing Eliott actually is: sure, he looks like a Greek god, that has never been a secret. He has even come to a point where he can see how 14-year-old Lucas really, really appreciated his best friend’s physique more than the average boy was wont to do, but at the time, he didn’t think anything of it.

It’s not just that, though, he is also the kindest, gentlest soul Lucas has ever met. Once that realization hit him - the realization that there wasn’t anybody else who made him feel like Eliott did - he couldn’t stop seeing it. No matter how hard he tried. In fact, it only got worse with time. 

Which brings them back to the foyer. When Eliott readily agreed to come help Daphné out, and even said that he would love to paint something nice on the walls to create a different atmosphere, Lucas already knew he would come as well. Eliott turned his head to beam at Lucas and Lucas said ‘yeah, yeah, I’ll help too’ before Eliott could even ask him the question, causing the delightful sight of Eliott bouncing on his feet and scrunching up his shoulders. How was it possible for a guy that gorgeous to be that cute?

Lucas doesn’t know what kind of hypnotic powers Daphné possesses, but apparently, she talked to the principal and he agreed to in turn ask the janitor, who he would ask if he was willing to stay a little late after school until they were done. She said that she just explained that they needed to be there when classes ended because otherwise, they’d miss out, and told them the principal came with this suggestion himself, saying something about how the janitor lived at a walking distance from school and probably wouldn’t mind the extra pay. 

Still, Lucas is pretty sure that if he had been the one to ask the principal that, the principal would have laughed in his face. 

But Daphné is Daphné and so she got what she wanted, which is how they find themselves still at school, at 21h00 on a Wednesday night, painting, cleaning up and sweeping the floor. 

They’ve been going at it for hours now, during which Lucas has mostly enjoyed the view of Eliott’s serious face while he painted, and goofed around with the boys (but he also helped, of course, lest Daphné get angry. He didn’t need a lecture, thank you very much). Manon finally asks Daphné if they can wrap it up for the day, it is getting dark out and people are getting tired aka annoying aka Basile keeps making gross jokes which has Yann and Arthur laughing like crazy.

Daphne looks around and sees Yann toppling over from laughter, and reluctantly agrees. They pack everything up and walk to the exit, Eliott hovering dangerously close behind Lucas, making the hairs on his neck stand up. 

It’s distracting, so much so that he startles when he hears Basile yelp.

‘Uh, Daphné, how come we’ve been locked up inside the school?’

Basile tries to turn the handle of the door one more time, to no avail. Daphné scoffs and walks on over.

‘Oh for Pete’s sake, do I have to do everything myself?’

When she pushes Basile away and tries for herself, however, nothing happens.

‘Daphné, are you sure that the janitor actually knew about the fact that he was supposed to… you know, stay?’ Emma asks.

Daphné frowns and looks like she is thinking things over. 

‘Well I would hope so. Wait, does anybody have his number? I mean, I don’t want to disturb him this late but uhm. We have got to get out of here somehow.’

‘Hold on a second.’ 

Arthur holds up a finger as he fishes out his phone and starts searching.  
Ten minutes and a few phone calls later, Daphné explains that the principal had in fact not told the janitor about the plan yet, and the janitor would do his best to come over as soon as possible. 

Lastly, she quickly shares, as a small yet not minor detail, it could take a while, because his daughter was asleep in her bed and his wife was not home yet. Though he had assured Daphné that she was bound to be on her way home from the gym any minute now.

As if on cue, the gang groans loudly at the news, sighing and complaining.  
To her credit, Daphné looks slightly guilty for a second before Imane tells everybody to shut up, it isn’t Daphné’s fault they are stuck here.

Well… that’s debatable, Lucas thinks, although he gets were Imane is coming from.

‘Guys, I know what we can do to pass the time’ Basile exclaimed excitedly, ‘We can play truth or dare.’

‘Seriously, Bas?’ Lucas sighs, ‘How old are we?’

‘Oh, come one, Lucas’ Eliott nudges him and grins, lighting up his already devastatingly handsome face in the process.  
‘It could be fun! Not like we’ve got anything better to do, right?’

The thing is, he hates how easily Eliott can persuade him to do something he wasn’t looking forward to, but that doesn’t mean he has any strength to say no. 

‘Fine, I guess.’

Alexia let’s out a small whoop as they all walk back towards the common room. Daphné suggests for everyone to sit down in a circle, and they oblige. Lucas tries not to notice how close Eliott is sitting next to him, tries not to read anything into the way it feels like he is leaning into him on his own accord, but naturally, he fails. Spectacularly. It’s not fair that his mere presence makes Lucas feel like he has been set on fire, in the best possible way, but here they were.

And here’s another thing: it’s times like these that Lucas lets his mind wander. He lets himself think, for just a little bit, that maybe he isn’t the only one who is feeling this. That Eliott feels the same way. 

With the way his body heats up whenever Eliott is near him, it must be something he at least notices as well. Lucas finds it hard to believe that the sparks he feels are all in his head, that they only live in his own imagination. It’s a scary thought that Eliott could be feeling it too, but not as scary as the thought that maybe, Eliott felt nothing at all.  
He has little time to dwell on this, though, because before he knows it, the game is afoot. The first couple of rounds are all very tame and kind of boring if he is being honest. Eventually, Yann asks Basile to spill the beans and tell them who he has a crush on. This results in Basile stammering and blushing for so long that Arthur eventually says: ‘Oh come on, Bas, everybody knows that you like Daphy’, earning him a push from Bas, who quickly looks back at Daphné, clearly ready to deny any such thing. Daphné’s face turns a lovely shade of red and she is clearly speechless. 

‘Answering for someone is against the rules, Arthur’ Manon comes to the rescue, like always. 

Arthur puts up his hands in surrender, and – fair enough - actually looks a little bit regretful. 

‘Moving on, Bas, it’s your turn’ Manon encourages him sweetly, and Bas mentally snaps himself out of it. 

‘Right, uhm, Alexia. Truth or dare?’

‘Dare, of course!’

‘I dare you to go into the staff room and make a copy of your butt’

Yann nearly chokes on his own spit and Arthur slaps Bas on the back of the head. 

‘What?! A dare has got to be a bit adventurous, right?’

Alexia snorts: ‘No problem, I’ll do it.’

This leads to a series of butt print related dares, until finally Imane gets them back to a relatively normal train of questions by asking Emma who out of everybody in the room she would choose to help her with her homework. 

‘You, of course!’  
Imane beams at that.

‘Okay, Lucas, truth or dare?’ Emma is looking at him pointedly, and honestly, he doesn’t know which choice is the smarter one at this moment. 

‘Truth.’

He could always lie if necessary, he decides. Looking at Emma’s face right now, he thinks it might be. 

‘Have you ever been in love? Like, not in a crush capacity, but actually in love?’

Looking around the room, he takes a moment to think about this. On the one hand, all he has to do is say ‘yes’, she didn’t ask him to elaborate on the person. On the other hand, there is a good possibility someone else will ask him that question later on, if not during this game, then afterwards. 

He can feel everybody watching him, but most of all, he can feel Eliott, staring at him as if he is hoping to read his mind. 

‘Oh la la, Lulu, your silence speaks volumes.’ Emma grins at him not unkindly, and he rolls his eyes. 

‘Fine, yes, I have been. Daphné, truth or dare?’

‘Dare!’

‘I dare you to check your phone and see if the janitor has texted you, it’s taking forever.’ 

Feeling pretty good about his comeback, he hears Eliott snort besides him, his body shaking like he just said the funniest thing in the world, but Daphné stays unfazed and glances at her phone. 

‘Nope, nothing. Eliott, truth or dare?’

Eliott tilts his head a little bit, seems to ponder which to choose, and Lucas allows himself a moment to look at him. 

With his head to the side like this, his neck is exposed, long lines and veins visible under his skin. It shouldn’t be as beautiful as it is. Every part of Eliott is absolutely stunning. 

‘Truth’ 

His Adams apple bops as he speaks. 

‘Let’s see…’ Daphné clearly hadn’t expected to come up with a question. 

‘Alright, keeping with our love theme… how many times have you been in love?’ 

And Lucas, Lucas doesn’t think he can handle hearing the answer, doesn’t think he can cope with hearing him say just once, Lucille but – he can’t go anywhere, so he just bows his head and grits his teeth. 

Eliott shrugs his shoulders like the answer should be obvious. 

‘Two times.’

Lucas looks up at him so fast that he strains his neck a little bit, and Eliott looks back at him, with such intensity that he can feel himself burn up from the inside. 

A small and shy smile appears on Eliott’s face. He looks like he is about to say something, but just before he gets the chance, the door swings open and the janitor appears, making Eliott turn his head. 

The relieve in the room is palpable. Arthur lets out a small ‘whoop’ before they get up and go off into the night. 

Lucas can’t help but feel like what just happened was something momentous, something bigger than he fully realizes. He keeps bumping into Eliott all the way up to the bus stop. All the while he steals glances and thinks: maybe, maybe, maybe.


	2. Chapter 2

Out of all the reasons to get detention, planning a party might be the lamest one yet. Throwing a party and actually getting caught whilst having said party? Sure. But not even having the added bonus of partying and still getting detention, just seems plain cruel. 

He could have told Daphné it wasn’t smart to let Basile run around school, inviting people to their secret opening party for the foyer. Sooner or later, he would be too loud, or to crass, and one of their teachers would find out. 

And that is exactly what happened, right after their Biology class.  
Lucas was a witness to it all, it was just like watching a match fall on a floor covered in gasoline: not much you could do but watch it burn.

A small part of him felt bad for Basile, who looked like a kicked puppy when the principal told him that planning a party on school property would earn him a full day of detention.  
That small part quickly vanished when Imane told everybody that it wasn’t fair to let Basile take the blame for something they all participated in. And now, here they are, reporting to the school library on a Saturday morning

They weren’t the only ones there; Ingrid was also present. Allegedly she was caught in the boys’ locker room, in a compromised position, a story that absolutely nobody believed, but whatever, Ingrid was known for her exaggerated tales.

Everybody looks like they could sleep for at least 5 more hours, not a single one of them put in any effort to appear presentable. Except for Daphné, but Lucas secretly doesn’t count her along with the rest because somehow, she never looks anything less than sharp.

The supervisor – whose name he didn’t catch – keeps looking at them as if they are a bunch of criminals, instead of a couple of bored teenagers who just tried to break the rules a little bit. 

‘Okay, well, you are all stuck in here until 17h00. That means that you have until 17h00 to sort out the books that have been returned. Everything that has been brought back by the students have to be stocked in the shelfs in alphabetical order before then. I will be in the teachers’ lounge, but when I come check on you guys and you are goofing around, it’s going to cost you another free Saturday next week. Do I make myself clear?’

Everybody stays quiet, which the supervisor takes as a yes. ‘Good. That is all’  
She turns around on her heels and stalks out of the library, leaving everyone more or less stunned.

‘Well’, Emma is the first to break the silence, ‘Did anybody think to bring any vodka? Because this day is going to be slow as hell, otherwise.’

Ingrid snorts.  
‘Unfortunately, I left my bottle at home. Guess we’ll have to entertain ourselves in another manner.’

‘Come on guys’ Arthur sighs, walking towards the books that are stacked in the back, ‘Let’s just clean these up as best as we can. Might as well get done with it, right?’

Nobody can really argue with that, seeing as they are stuck in there anyway, and Imane hands everybody a big pile of books to sort through.  
It takes some coordinating and a lot of cursing, but eventually they finish up at around 15:30. Yann leans on Lucas, exhausted from all the effort, while they are all slummed against the stacks, forming a small circle. 

‘You know’, Eliott starts, ‘This is a bit like the Breakfast Club’ 

Lucas grins, shaking his head immediately. Leave it to Eliott to make a comparison to one of his favorite 80’s movies. 

‘What’s the breakfast club?’ Daphné asks, looking around for someone to explain it to her. 

‘You don’t know the Breakfast Club? It’s only one of the most iconic teen movies of the 1980’s. You should watch it. I promise you’ll like it’

Eliott is sitting to his left, going on and on about the Breakfast Club, a movie he made Lucas watch about a year ago because it’s a classic, Lucas, if you are my best friend you have to watch it. Hearing Eliott say those words did things to him, made him feel loved and safe and proud, but also a little bit sad because a best friend isn’t the same as a boyfriend. Eliott’s passion about films and art is something Lucas will always admire and could never get enough of. 

His whole face lights up when he talks about it, his arms move and his hands try and convince people to love it too. Lucas doesn’t know how anybody could watch Eliott talk about anything with that much conviction, and not fall in love. 

He only realizes he has been staring when Ingrid coughs, breaking his spell. His eyes wander upwards only to find Ingrid smirking at him with a knowing look in her eyes. It’s obvious enough to make Lucas blush, making him look away. Fuck. Why did he let himself slip like that?  
When he looks up again, Ingrid isn’t looking at him anymore, and his heart starts to slow down. Maybe it isn’t as bad as he thought, after all.  
‘You guys, this is so dull. Let’s play a game, yeah?’ she says, to no one in particular. 

‘That’s actually not a bad idea, we’re stuck here for another hour’ Manon reasons, looking around the group to gouge the reactions.  
‘Okay, sure, why not. What shall we do?’ Yann asks, stretching out his legs and folding his arms behind his back.  
Alexia lights up: ‘Ohhh, I know! Can we play truth or dare again? I had a lot of fun last time’

Lucas gets a sinking feeling, a bit like a déjà vu. Last game of truth or dare was a close call. He still doesn’t know why exactly, but he knows that he nearly spilled his guts right then and there. Lost in thoughts, he doesn’t even notice that the game already started until Eliott is nudging him slightly with his shoulder. One of their familiar touches. 

He turns his head and sees Eliott’s signature soft smile, and he’s helpless, of course he smiles back. What else is he to do? Eliott’s eyes crinkle even deeper than before, and for the second time that day, he has to look away. Right in front of him, Emma is trying to balance 3 books on her head and it’s as chaotic as it sounds. 

After a few seconds, the first book falls and the rest of them quickly follow. They all wince at the noise it makes, but it soon becomes apparent that whatever the supervisor is doing, probably involves wearing headphones, because the coast stays clear. 

Alexia lets out a small giggle out of excitement, and within no time, everybody is infected. Imane shushes them eventually, wiping away a tear that had formed from all the laughter. 

‘Back to business, guys’ Emma says, trying to look serious as she’s thinking of who to ask next.

‘Ingrid, truth or dare?’

Ingrid looks as if she didn’t expect to be on the receiving end of that question, but recovers quickly.

‘Truth’

‘Okay, tell us the real reason you are in detention’

She lets out a scoff and rolls her eyes, like she can’t believe Emma would choose to ask that. 

‘What do you mean? You know the reason’

‘Ingrid, you did not have an orgy in the boys’ locker room. Come on now’

Ingrid scratches her neck, seemingly hesitating about what to say, ‘No, no way. It’s private.’

Lucas can’t believe what he is hearing, ‘Are you serious? The game is called truth or dare, Ingrid, you better just tell us now before we torture it out of you’ 

He admits it: he was having way too much fun with this. Which is why he didn’t notice the way her face changed right then and there, not until he realized that maybe he was playing with fire here, thinking back on her knowing look mere moments earlier.

Nothing he could change about it now, though, as Ingrid powers on through with a pointed look in her eyes, trained on Lucas.

‘Fine. I have skipped gym one too many times, raising suspicion with the P.E. teacher, who finally just asked for my doctor to call in to say that I was too sick to participate. Which I obviously couldn’t make happen because I made it all up. And here we are. Satisfied?’ 

Lucas couldn’t ignore the way Ingrid directed that last part of her answer to him. He knew he was in trouble.  
‘Well, that’s disappointing’ Emma snarks, but Lucas can’t tear his eyes away from Ingrid’s face. Ingrid, who is still looking at him. 

Ingrid, who says: ‘Lucas. You know the drill. Truth? Or dare?’

Shitshitshitshitshit.

‘Truth’

‘Tell us who out of this group could you see yourself fall for the most?’

And Lucas is – stunned. What? What kind of question is that? 

‘I’m sorry but what kind of question is that? That’s ridiculous. I don’t see myself fall for anybody here.’ 

He hears his own voice betray him as he says that last part, but hopes the rest won’t notice it.  
‘This is stupid. Give me a dare. I’ll do anything. I will go to the supervisor and streak, I will set off the fire alarm, just give me something to do.’

He looks at Ingrid pleadingly, hoping to get through to her somehow. He almost lets himself believe he got away with it, when she says, ‘Fine.’ 

Almost, because the next words out of her mouth make his heart sink.  
‘I dare you to kiss – on the lips! – Eliott Demaury. Not a quick peck, by the way. No. For a minimum of 15 seconds.’  
The room falls quiet, almost, and Lucas doesn’t know if that’s a fact or if he just can’t hear anything else above the soaring sound that’s in his ears right now. 

‘Come on, Lucas, the game is called truth or dare, you said so yourself. I’ll time it for you.’

Ingrid looks entirely too smug with herself, but Lucas can’t even process that right now, all he can think about is the fact that he will soon be kissing his best friend who he is in love with on the lips for a minimum of 15 seconds, and it will be fake. It will be for a game. Honestly, he doesn’t even know how to feel right now. Excitement, fear, sadness, it all floods through his body, before a streak of boldness comes over him. It’s not like he has any other choice. 

‘Fine, whatever. It’s no big deal,’ he lets out a small hush of air and steals himself, before adding softly, ‘Eliott, come here’ 

He hopes that his plea doesn’t sound as pathetic as it does to his own ears, and if Eliott senses there’s anything wrong, he doesn’t show it, because just then he is leaning over closer and closer until all he can see and smell is Eliott. It’s a sensory overload and it takes him a second to compose himself. 

Lucas counts to 10 in his head and forces himself to look Eliott straight in the eyes when he leans in, because he can’t be finally kissing Eliott and not look at him, he would never forgive himself, except that he almost chickens out when he does. Because Eliott is looking back at him, and he looks conflicted. He looks like Lucas feels: as if he doesn’t know if this is smart, yet he still doesn’t stop it from happening.  
Lucas’ hands are itching to hold on to something, to hold on to Eliott, but he doesn’t dare. He takes in a shaky breath just before their lips meet, and swears he can hear Eliott do the same. When their lips are almost touching, he stops, just for a moment, just to let it sink in.

I am going to kiss Eliott now. 

The first touch is enough to make him forget that there are other people in the room, forget that it’s a game, that they’re just pretending, because it doesn’t feel anything else than magical. Eliott’s lips are soft but firm, and Lucas can’t help but melt into the kiss, his hands flying up on their own accord to Eliott’s shoulders in an attempt to steady himself. It’s as if Eliott’s been waiting for Lucas to cross that barrier, because all of the sudden he feels his arms around his neck, pulling him in closer, and it’s almost too much to handle. It makes him shift a little bit, moving his lips in a way that results in him catching Eliott’s bottom lip in between his own, and – Eliott lets out a soft sound, almost like a moan, and it encourages him, makes him open up his lips for him and then –

‘Okay guys, 15 seconds are up. Good sports!’

Ingrid is beaming at them with a look on her face that could only be described as triumphant.  
Lucas feels dazed as he reluctantly breaks away from Eliott, and it takes him a few seconds to realize that Eliott is still sitting very close to him and their hands have stayed attached to each other’s bodies. Eliott seems to be going through the same thought process, because all of the sudden the weight of his arms around Lucas’ neck falls away and he immediately longs to feel them there again. After a few awkward seconds, he lets his own hands fall to his sides. 

Looking around the room, it’s as if nobody knows what to say or how to react. Lucas can relate. 

The door behind them creaks open and before he realizes what’s going on, the supervisor is telling them that it’s a wrap, they’ve served their time. All of a sudden, he notices that the mood has shifted completely, everybody gathering their things in silence. 

Eliott isn’t, though. He stands in front of Lucas with a strange look in his eyes, if he didn’t know any better, he would say that he is looking… shy.

‘Lucas, are we… is everything okay between us? You know it didn’t mean anything, right? I don’t want anything to change.’

Right then and there, his heart breaks in a way that he didn’t know was possible. It’s stupid, really, it’s no surprise that Eliott doesn’t want anything to change. It’s all just a game. He can’t say anything but a rushed ‘It’s fine, Eliott’, before he breaks away and walks towards Yann, a pleading look in his eyes. Thank God for Yann, really, because he gives him the once over and says: ‘Come on, let’s go get something to drink.’ 

He makes some excuse to the rest of the gang and steers Lucas towards the exit. Yann knows him better than to ask what this is all about. In fact, he would bet anything that he is figuring out what’s been going on in his head lately when it comes to Eliott. 

Eliott doesn’t look at him as they leave the room. Regret floods his body instantly, things aren’t okay between them. This was a mistake.


	3. Chapter 3

So maybe Lucas overreacted just a little bit, and maybe he has been trying to avoid Eliott as much as possible ever since detention. It’s been three weeks, but it feels like at least three months. Eliott has tried to text him and call him, even went as far as to pay him a visit when Lucas didn’t respond to anything. Lucas begged Mika to say that he was sick and that he didn’t want to see anybody. Eventually, Eliott seemed to get the hint, texting him I’m sorry Lucas. Please call me when you can. I want to explain. Lucas didn’t call him.

The guys seem to notice that something is up between them and think that they are fighting. Yann tried to pry it out of him several times before, seemingly done with pretending he doesn’t know about it, but Lucas wouldn’t budge. 

Let them think it’s a fight, it’s better than the truth. The annoying truth that has been staring him in the face for the past few weeks: Lucas can’t accept the fact that Eliott only sees him as a friend and that their kiss meant nothing to him, when it meant everything to Lucas. Most of the time he wishes that he could take it all back, that they never played Truth or dare to begin with. 

Sometimes, though, when he lets himself think back on that kiss, relive the feelings that flooded his body, he can’t regret it. The thing is, that small part of him that lingers on that kiss believes that Eliott felt it too. That part of him remembers the way Eliott hung onto his neck, how he pulled him closer, how he sighed into the kiss and responded in kind. Lucas knows it’s no use and that he is only torturing himself, because Eliott clearly stated otherwise, but tell that to his idiot brain. 

He’s so lost in his thoughts that he loses the game of Fifa he’s playing with Yann and Basile. They are having a pre-drink before they’re going out tonight. Yann convinced him that what he needs is a night filled with fun, dancing and alcohol. Mostly the alcohol. 

Lucas throws his controller on the table in front of him when he feels his phone buzz in his back pocket. One glance tells him it’s Arthur. 

Arthur: hey man, I know you and demaury are arguing about something, but I just ran into him and told him I was on my way over to yann’s place

Arthur: don’t kill me, but eliott sort of invited himself along 

Arthur: I couldn’t very well say no to him, you’re the only one he is fighting with and he knows you are here, I told him

Arthur: he still wanted to come soooo I suggest you guys talk it out when we get there, yeah? 

Arthur: also sorry for the spam 

Lucas lets out a long sigh and lets his head hit the couch, staring at the cracks at the top of the wall. It looks like the paint has been trying to keep it all together but to no avail. He knows the feeling.   
‘What’s wrong?’ Basile asks, eyes intent on keeping his concentration on the game at hand. 

‘Nothing. Arthur is on his way. And so is Eliott’ 

Basile furrows his brows a bit. ‘Oh. Well good, you two have been not talking for way too long. I don’t like it man, it’s creeping me out.’

Now it’s Lucas’ turn to frown. ‘Creeping you out? Why?’

‘Because you two are attached at the hip, this whole thing is just unnatural. The fact that you’re not talking, I mean. And, well, the being attached at the hip thing too, now that I think about it.’

Lucas scoffs and picks up his drink, not knowing what to say to that, because he knows Basile is right and yet it’s still weird to hear the fact that other people pick up on their closeness too. It’s one more sign that it’s not just all in his head.   
‘Lulu, if there’s anything we can do just say so, okay? But I have to say I agree with Bas. Whatever it is, just talk to him. It can’t be that bad. He cares about you, dude.’   
Yann gives him a soft look with concern in his eyes, and Lucas can’t help but melt a little bit at that. 

‘I know, you are right. I’ll try, okay? No worries.’ 

The bell rings not long after that, and they exchange a quick look. Lucas tries to convey that it’s all good, he isn’t stressed, but he’s not sure Yann is buying it. That could be because Lucas is in fact stressed, very much so. Yann knows him too well. 

Yann walks to the door to let the guys in, pleasantries are exchanged and it’s as if a cage of butterflies is released inside of him at the sound of Eliott’s voice.

All of the sudden Lucas has an extreme interest in the pattern of the coffee table, tracing its lines with great intent. It’s not until Eliott is standing right next to him that he has to fight the urge to look up. When Eliott sits next to him on the couch and utters a soft and small ‘Hi’, he caves and turns his head.

‘Hi.’ 

The nerves that had previously been haunting his body are taken over by a sudden calmness, just by talking to Eliott like this, even if it’s just a simple greeting. Eliott’s face lights up, and that makes his stomach do somersaults. His stomach is a traitor, if you ask him.

‘I’m glad you’re talking to me again and aren’t running the other way. Progress.’

Lucas rolls his eyes: ‘I was never running the other way. I’m sorry for being so quiet, I was busy. Let’s just forget it, okay?’ 

A large part of him just hopes that Eliott will accept this and move on, so they can return to normal. Whatever that may be. No such luck, though.

‘Lucas… I feel like there was more to it than you being busy. We’ve never gone this long without talking, ever. I… I don’t know, I guess it just felt strange.’

‘Strange how?’

Eliott shrugs, his shoulders hunched together slightly, ‘Strange like I missed talking to you, I missed being able to just call you and rant about my day,’ he stops and looks like he wants to say something else but hesitates before he adds: ‘I missed you.’

It’s so quiet that he almost thinks his ears are playing tricks on him, but when Eliott’s eyes find his own, he knows he heard him right. There is so much behind those eyes in that very moment, Lucas doesn’t even know where to begin, is afraid of where his mind will wander to if he lets himself linger on what it could mean for too long. 

Lucky for him, Basile lets himself fall onto the couch at that very moment.

‘I am glad to see you guys kissed and made up. It wasn’t funny anymore. Right, well, what are we playing?’

Lucas chokes on his beer and shoots daggers at Basile, who doesn’t seem to realize that what he just said was the worst possible thing to mention in this particular situation. 

‘What? We’re still playing, right?’ he looks around the room, and Yann nods his head.

‘Of course, prepare to lose!’ he wiggles his eyebrows and Basile gets up again, picking a spot closer to the television.

‘In your dreams’ Arthur cuts in, and Lucas tries to drown out their banter, feels the way Eliott is looking at him like he is waiting for Lucas to say something, anything.   
He does what he always does in times of crisis, and turns it into a joke. 

‘Well, I guess the elephant in the room is no longer in hiding, huh?’  
Eliott’s half smile is not the reaction that Lucas wanted to get out of this, it feels a bit like pity, somehow, but he’ll take what he can get at this point. 

Eliott starts to say something, but as soon as he opens up his mouth, the world around them turns to black, and Lucas is slightly worried that he turned blind by stress for a moment before Yann says: ‘Ah crap, the power went out. Again. Fourth time this month, it’s insane.’

‘Ahw man, I was totally going to win this game, too! This sucks.’ Basile sighs, grabbing his phone, momentarily lighting up the room a bit. 

‘It’s only 22:30, it’s way too early to go to the party. What will we do until then, tell ghost stories?’  
Yann gets up and walks around, searching for something. 

‘Hold on, let me see if I can find some candles. Uhm, maybe we could do a drinking game?’

Arthur violently shakes his head: ‘No, no way. Last time we did a drinking game, I had to babysit Basile for like, 3 hours to make sure he wouldn’t puke on anybody. That’s nobody’s idea of fun.’  
‘Hey!’ Basile says, sounding offended, ‘I mean, yeah okay, that did happen. But still, hey!’

Eliott laughs at that, and the sound is so bright and cheerful that Lucas can’t help but turn to him slightly, watching his silhouette in the dark. It’s almost enough to forget all that’s been going on for the past few weeks, hearing him laugh. Almost enough to make him try and move on from all of his complicated feelings, because he doesn’t think he could go another 3 weeks without hearing that laugh, and he is pretty sure that’s what’s on the line if he was ever to pursue his feelings. 

Maybe it’s the fact that they are in the dark, maybe it’s because the air seems to have changed for the better after all that tension, or maybe it’s something else, but. Eliott turns to look at Lucas, too, and they have one of their telepathic conversations. The ones their other friends are always mad about, them being able to communicate without uttering a word. Lucas doesn’t break their gaze. The message is clear to him: you are important to me and I don’t want that to change. It will have to do, for now. 

‘I know what we can do’, Arthur says, sounding as if he just thought of something brilliant: ‘We can play a quick round of Truth or dare again. It’s basically the only thing I can think of where we don’t need lights.’ 

Lucas is about to protest, but he can’t think of a reasonable excuse not to play, and before he can say anything, Eliott chimes in: ‘Let’s do that, could be fun,’ and the next thing he knows, there is no space left between them, Eliott’s side is pressing into him, their knees are touching and he might actually explode any minute now because what the hell is going on here? 

A thought comes to him then that he can’t shake off: so much between them is surrounded by uncertainty. 

Before he has time to fully digest what’s happening, Basile enthusiastically runs with the idea of playing Truth or dare by addressing Lucas. 

‘Alright, I’m in! Lucas, truth or dare?’

‘Uhm’ he doesn’t know what to do, is there even a safe option at this point? He takes a gamble and hopes it will pay off.  
‘Truth’ 

‘Okay, list all your first kisses, and rate them’ 

Yann laughs so hard that he doubles over, and Lucas wishes looks could kill right now. 

‘Are you serious?’ He truly hopes he isn’t. 

‘Yes! Why not? I’m just curious.’ Basile shoots him a look that says what’s the big deal? He’s just going to have to lie, a little bit. 

‘Fine. There was Emelie, which was… okay. A 6, I guess. Aurora, a few years later. I’d say about a 7. My feared ex Chloé, which, you guys all know. That was... yeah. Not good. And uhm. That’s all.’

He thought about it, he really did, but including his kiss with Eliott seemed silly. After all, it was for a game, and he sure as hell isn’t going to announce to all of his friends that it was the best thing that ever happened to him, 10/10 would recommend. He certainly wasn’t going to do that in front of Eliott. Eliott, who was still sitting pressed against him. Eliott, who seemed to slightly shift, as if he was uncomfortable. That makes two of them. 

Lucas wants to just grab him by the hands and pull him aside, talk to him for real, but. He can’t. He distracts himself by asking Yann Truth or dare? and dares him to prank call Emma. It does the trick and makes the boys laugh, hanging onto Yann’s lips when he makes the call, but it’s not enough to make him forget. His mind keeps playing back that kiss like some sort of cruel joke. 

The way Eliott’s lips had felt on his, his hands rough yet soft at the same time, the air turned to electricity, charged between them-

He needs some air.

He stands up quickly, shoving his hands in his pockets. 

‘I’m going to get something to drink, you want anything?’ 

Eliott blinks up at him.

‘No. I mean, yes, but I’ll come with you.’   
It costs mountains of strength to keep his mouth shut, to not tell him to stay where he is because he doesn’t need the extra distraction right now, he really doesn’t. But Eliott didn’t do anything wrong, and he can hear the desperation in his voice, and honestly, it tugs at his heartstrings. Besides, he knows the guys want them to make up tonight, so he lets Eliott follow him back into the kitchen. 

He feels the way his eyes are burning into his back, but refuses to look back or acknowledge it in any way, it would only make matters worse. He busies himself with getting some glasses and peers into the refrigerator, pretending to look all his options over in order to clear his mind and brace himself for whatever confrontation with Eliott is coming next.

‘I’m gonna make myself a vodka and coke, what can I get you?’

‘Lucas… will you please just look at me?’

His hands grasp the side of the counter and refrigerator and he can feel the way every cell is trying to lock up shop. His body clearly doesn’t know what to do, hasn’t ever been in this situation before.   
Eliott shuffles a few steps forward, Lucas can feel his body heat, or maybe that’s just his nerves playing up. 

‘Please?’

It’s the crack in Eliott’s voice that does it, it forces him to turn around. He couldn’t have fought it if he wanted to, his legs respond to him immediately. It’s a fact that should worry him: the way their bodies are so in tune with one another, yet it’s nothing new. At the back of his mind, he hears Basile’s voice saying attached at the hips. 

The sadness in Eliott’s eyes is hard to face. He looks so concerned that in that moment, Lucas begins to desperately wish that all of his worries were figments of his imagination. What he really wants is to erase it all: the lines in Eliott’s face, the frown that’s taken over, the cloudiness of his eyes, the fact that they kissed, the silence that hangs around them now like a large coat.  
‘What’s going on between us?’ 

Leave it to Eliott to be the one to break the silence first. And what is Lucas supposed to say to that? He stalls, and intents to stall for as long as he can.

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well, last time I checked, we were best friends, always hanging out together, texting each other constantly. Yet lately, you’ve been avoiding me. And please don’t insult me by saying that’s not true, because it is and we both know it. I just want to know what it is that I did, or said. How can I make it up to you if I don’t know what’s wrong?’

He ponders what to say, how honest he should be. He decides to give him a version of the truth.

‘Nothing is wrong, and it’s certainly not you. You didn’t do anything. It’s just that… I have had a lot on my mind lately, and I’ve been kind of doubting some stuff. I needed to think about it on my own. Sorry if I was a lousy friend in the meantime.’

He looks down at his feet, truly feeling like crap. 

‘That’s okay. I wish you’d let me help you, though.’

Eliott sounds wistful, and it does something to him, makes the guilt swirl in his body. Guilt over what? Not being completely honest with him? Having feelings for him? If only he knew which. 

‘It really was something I had to do by myself, but thank you. I know you do’

‘So, did you?’

When he looks up, Eliott is hunched over, almost as if he’s shy, and he’s studying the kitchen tiles. It throws him off so much that Lucas forgets what they are talking about, for a second.

‘What?’

‘Figure things out?’

Oh, that. He lets out a deep sigh.

‘Honestly, I’m not sure yet’

Eliott stays quiet, looks like he’s mulling something over in his head.

‘Can I tell you something?’

His respond is immediate, because he doesn’t have to think twice about that: ‘Always’

It seems to take a while for Eliott to form his thoughts, and when he does, he lets them out slowly.

‘When you were listing of all the people you’ve kissed just now… I noticed two things.’

‘Oh yeah? What’s that?’

‘One: you didn’t list our truth or dare kiss. And two: I realized that you didn’t list any guys at all. I guess I knew that you never kissed a guy before, but. I just. Haven’t really thought about that, before… before we kissed.’

Of all the things he thought Eliott might say, he wasn’t expecting that. 

‘Oh. Uhm, yeah. It’s true. Or, well, it was, at least. Not anymore, I guess. Look, I didn’t list our kiss because I figured it didn’t really count. Because it was all part of the game.’

He really needs Eliott to understand that this doesn’t have to be a big deal, just like Eliott said right after it happened. Because all that truly matters to him is Eliott, and having Eliott in his life. If that’s a life without kissing, without anything else than friendship, then… well, then, that would be a shame, but it is better than not having his friendship at all.

‘Oh. Is it bad that I would have counted it, if they’d asked me?’

Eliott tilts his head with a serious look in his eyes, but there’s something else there too. Something like vulnerability. It’s a response that takes Lucas by surprise, yet again. 

‘You would have?’

‘Definitely.’

‘Why?’

He doesn’t mean to blurt it out like that, but he can’t help himself. He needs to know.

When Eliott answers, his smile is different than before. Sadder, somehow. 

‘Lucas, I hope you don’t regret your first kiss with a guy to be with me,’ he looks down and shakes his head, almost as to himself, ‘I’m sorry that it wasn’t with someone that meant something more to   
you.’

Lucas’ grip on the counter increases. It’s almost as if Eliott is saying that it meant something to him. He doesn’t want to let himself get swept away again. But. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

‘You didn’t answer my question, Eliott.’

He dares to sneak a glance at Eliott, who looks determined, as if what he’s about to say is the absolute truth.

‘Just because we were playing truth or dare, doesn’t mean it wasn’t a real kiss. We kissed. I don’t know about you, of course, but I felt that. That makes it real to me. But like I said back then: I don’t want that kiss to complicate things between us, I can’t lose you. Please say I haven’t lost you.’

And Lucas can’t have him thinking that. ‘You haven’t’

Eliott visibly relaxes, his shoulders no longer as tense as before. 

‘Good. Can we make a deal? Can we please promise to not avoid each other again? If there is ever anything that bothers you, please just talk to me, okay? And I’ll promise to do the same thing.’

Lucas nods. ‘Promise.’

Eliott looks at him and smiles. It’s a small smile, but it’s no longer sad. Right now, it’s sort of… hopeful. Maybe, maybe, maybe. He has to say it. 

‘Eliott?’

‘Yeah?’

‘I felt it, too.’ 

The air arounds them changes, then, gets thicker, somehow, and they have so much more to talk about, and-

‘Come on, boys, we got to go!’ Arthur and Basile march into the kitchen arm in arm, on a mission to come fetch them, ‘It’s free entrance until 0:00 so we’ve got to motor if we want to make it in time.’

And just like that, the moment is gone. No, not gone, Lucas thinks to himself. Not gone, just on hold. That’s okay. Something tells him that it’s worth the wait.


	4. Chapter 4

The ride over to the club goes by in a haze, but at the same time, it’s like time is moving slower than ever before. He has to fight the urge to whip his head over and look at Eliott every 5 seconds, and doesn’t always succeed in controlling himself. What he sees when he does look at him is this: a disheveled boy, tousled hair, blush on his cheeks, a look on his face he can’t quite decipher which is… rare. He always knows what Eliott is thinking. Or, that’s what he thought before tonight.

If Lucas didn’t know any better, he would say that everybody around them can tell that something has changed, that something is going on between them. Even though, in reality, nothing really has changed and the only thing that might be noticeable is how quiet he’s become. 

What he really needs to do is just get a grip. There is nothing going on. They are just all going out. Everybody is a little bit buzzed, that’s all. Who knows what Eliott really meant? 

The place is packed when they get there, they should have known there would be a line to get in. Free entrance is free entrance, after all. Eliott steps aside to smoke a cigarette, and Lucas just knows that he is feeling nervous. He knows, because that’s how he is feeling too. 

Finally, the crowd starts moving, and Arthur whistles loud enough for Eliott to hear it and come back in line. Lucas can sense the heat of his body against his back, just like when they were in the kitchen, and it’s a lot to handle. The way his spine tingles, the way the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, the way he wants to lean into it ever so slightly. The moment passes when they swiftly move inside and head towards the bar, and it’s probably for the best. 

Eliott orders a round of shots for everybody, and Basile wants to make a toast, yelling something about how they should celebrate their friendship. Huddled around in a circle, of course the person across from him is Eliott. He wishes he could look away, but Eliott is like a magnet that he can’t resist. They lock eyes and he knows that he is done for. It’s comforting, in a way, to know that there is one person that can always make his head spin. If there is nothing else he can count on in this world, he can at least count on that. 

‘To friendship’ he says, never breaking their stare. The vodka makes its way down his throat in a not entirely unpleasant manner, gliding down and settling in his belly. It burns, but it’s nothing compared to the way Eliott’s eyes are burning into him. 

The music is pounding and his whole body is vibrating because of it, something that seems very fitting, in a way, because he would feel like bursting out of his skin no matter where they would be right now. One could call it poetic, but then again, maybe that’s just the alcohol talking. 

The song changes into something even more danceable, picking up the beat, and just like that, the atmosphere gets a little bit giddier. Yann and Baz run out onto the dancefloor and Arthur follows reluctantly, shaking his head, leaving Eliott and Lucas behind. 

They grin at each other in unison and quickly follow them, strolling through the crowd of dancing bodies.

Once they hit the dancefloor, they lose track of each other, dancing around from one person to another, until he finds Yann again, who playfully twirls him around and around. All the songs are stellar and he feels like he is flying, jumping around in the air in time with the beat. Every once in a while, he tries to seek out Eliott. You would think it wouldn’t be that hard to find him, seeing as he’s taller than most people, but it’s too busy and too dark, so after a while he just gives up and enjoys the ride. 

After a few more swaying songs, Basile taps him on the shoulder and points at something in the crowd. 

‘Look at our boy go! Looks like someone is getting lucky tonight!’

He doesn’t get it right away, because he can’t see who Basile is pointing at. Then, it dawns at him, as he sees that mess of familiar hair come into frame.

Eliott is dancing with a girl he doesn’t recognize, a very pretty girl with a nose ring and a black bob. She’s swaying to the music like she’s born to do just that, and they make a pretty picture: his hands on her waist, hers on his shoulders, both of them smiling and talking to each other every now and then.

He looks away and tries to focus on the boys, on Basile’s crazy moves and Yann’s winning smile, and when Arthur offers to buy more drinks, he doesn’t think twice and jumps at the opportunity to help him out at the bar just to get away from the whole ordeal. 

‘You okay, man?’

Arthur looks at him with concern in his eyes, and he tries to relax his face into something more suitable for a nightclub, and not as if he is about to burst into tears. 

‘Yeah sure, I’m fine, just a bit tired, is all. Nothing a few shots can’t fix, though.’

He holds up his glass and clinks it with Arthur’s, downing it in one go, and is glad when he can see Arthur joining him. That will hold off the questions for now. 

When they get back to the group, he tries not to look over at Eliott as much, and it works, for the most part. It’s just that, he knows Eliott, and he knows that he is trying to make contact. Trying to communicate, to see if Lucas is having a good time. Normally, Lucas can’t wait to lock eyes and smile with him and let their eyes do the talking, their own private bubble. But not today. Not when there is a girl draped all over him, not when he really thought… he really thought they were on the same page. 

Suddenly he feels overwhelmed, he leans over and tells Yann he’s going for a quick smoke, when they both know Lucas is not someone who does that very often.

Maybe it’s the tears that have begun to form in his eyes, or the way his body is locking up, whatever Yann sees, it’s enough for him to let it go with just nod and a ‘Yeah man, no problem, see you in a bit, yeah?’ 

Lucas nods as quick as he can and walks on out of there, afraid that if he stays one more second the tears will spill out on their own accord. 

The moment he steps outside, relieve washes over him, like he can finally breathe properly. He bends over, hands on knees, and doesn’t know how long he stands like that, just breathing in and out, but when he looks up, Eliott is standing right in front of him. So close that you would think he has never heard of the concept of ‘personal space’. 

‘Are you okay? Do you feel sick? I can call you a cab, if you want.’

He closes his eyes, maybe if he wishes hard enough, this is just a dream and Eliott won’t be there.   
Unfortunately, the moment Eliott lays his hand on his shoulder, he can feel a bolt of electricity run through him. Not a dream. 

When he gets up, Eliott’s hand doesn’t leave his body. Instead, he squeezes him for a beat, then lets his hand glide down until he’s holding onto his bicep. A strong, steady grip that puts color to his cheeks. 

‘I’m not sick, I wasn’t throwing up, don’t worry.’

‘What’s wrong, then? If you’re not sick, then there must be something on your mind.’

A sigh escapes from him before he has the change to swallow it back in. Serves him right for drinking so much. No filter left. 

‘Fine, okay, yes. I don’t know, Eliott. I thought that back at the house, we kind of had a moment there, you know? Talking about everything that happened… and just.’ He gets frustrated with himself, stumbling over his words and not saying what he really wants to say. Takes a deeps breath and says: ‘I saw you, just now.’

Eliott looks genuinely confused by that. 

‘What do you mean you saw me? Of course you saw me, we were all in there together.’

Lucas rolls his eyes, he can’t believe he is going to make him actually say it.

‘I saw you dancing with that girl, looked like you were having a really nice time. She’s cute, I understand.’

Realization seems to dawn, then, and Eliott grip stills before he pulls Lucas closer to him. 

‘Annabelle? Lucas, she is just a friend. We have class together. That’s all, I swear.’  
Just a friend, of course she is. He feels stupid for assuming otherwise. Friends can dance, after all. He scrunches up his face, embarrassed by this turn of events. 

‘Oh. Uhm, that’s good to know.’

Eliott lifts his chin up slightly, ‘Hey, I am here with the gang, and I am here with you, and that’s all that matters to me. You know that right?’

And the thing is, he does know. A smile tugs at the corner of his mouth, ‘Yeah, yeah, I know, smooth talker. Sorry for freaking out.’  
Eliott smirks at him, ‘Lucas… truth or dare?’

Lucas blinks in confusion, that he did not expect. A voice inside his head says that it’s really unfair for Eliott to be asking him that while he is intoxicated and can’t make rational decisions, but he tells that voice to shut up and says: ‘Dare.’

Eliott’s face breaks out into the biggest grin as he grabs his hand, tugging it a little.

‘I dare you to dance with me until the sun comes up.’

Eliott doesn’t wait for a response, he just turns around and drags him back inside, leading the way until they find their own little spot away from the guys. It’s funny, he thinks, how they can be in a room full of loud, drunk people, yet everyone fades away in an instant when he’s with Eliott. 

Lucas tries to concentrate on anything besides the fact that his body is pressed up against Eliott, tries to listen to the lyrics that blast out I’m losing myself, losing myself tonight as he thinks to himself: if that’s not accurate he doesn’t know what is. 

Every time he tries to create some distance, the people around them think differently on that; the push and pull of the dancing bodies makes it impossible to escape being in close proximity of Eliott. 

After the fifth person bumps into him and knocks him even further into Eliott’s aura, he finally gives up and holds onto him. Eliott immediately pulls him in closer while he never stops dancing. 

The thing is, Lucas knows, he knows that all he has to do is look up and he’ll find everything he wants to see. It’s scary yet exciting, and he wants it, so, so bad. 

And so, he looks. Eliott is beautiful like this: hair over his eyes, sweating from all the dancing and the heat of the club, blushing from exhaustion or from something else, and always his smile. The only smile that could light up the world, if need be. 

Right now, that smile is coming straight at him, leaning over until it brushes his ear, making his whole body shiver with anticipation. 

‘I’ve been wanting to do this all night. You’re the only person I want to dance with.’

Those words release something inside of Lucas as he leans in, and he thinks of the dare: dance until the sun comes up. Honestly, Lucas has no problem with that.


	5. Chapter 5

It should be illegal to get up before noon on a Sunday, if you ask Lucas. Yet here he is, up and running at 11h30 no less. Made even more impressive by the fact that they went home at around 5 in the morning. But there is something that he hates even more than getting up early, and that is breaking his promises. 

He didn’t think it through when Imane had asked him to study together today, in preparation for their next biology exam. They had discovered quit early on that studying together aided them both. 

Of course, when he realized that he would be going out the day before this particular study session, he had wanted to cancel. However, seeing how stressed Imane had looked that week in school, he knew he couldn’t do that to her. 

Which is why he is slumped against the kitchen counter, waiting for the coffee to brew and rubbing the sleep out of is eyes. Last night was… something else. He doesn’t even know how to put it into words. Dancing and laughing with Eliott, no longer fighting the urge to be near to him and just give into it all, arms around each other and even swaying their hips together to the music, it felt like a dream. Except it really happened. 

When he tries to put his finger on what happened, exactly, what changed for them to now be so free with each other, he doesn’t really know. Maybe it’s the fact that they’ve shared their first kiss and talked about it. Maybe it’s because they both kind of let slip that it meant something. But what does it really mean? They haven’t really discussed that yet. 

The doorbell rings, disturbing his train of thoughts, which is probably for the best.  
When he opens the door, Imane takes one good look at him and smirks, shaking her head.

‘What?!’

‘Nothing. It’s just. I forget for a minute you went out last night, until I just saw the state you are in right now. Rough night?’

Lucas grumbles and heads back to the kitchen, doesn’t even bother to answer her. 

‘Coffee?’ he asks without glancing behind him. He doesn’t see her reaction, but he bets Imane is rolling her eyes right about now.

‘No thank you. Water is fine.’

‘Suit yourself.’

He swiftly pours their drinks, trying – and failing – not to burn his hands on the hot mug, and walks over to the kitchen table where Imane is already stalling out all the necessary supplies.  
‘Soooo…’ she drawls out, concentrating on the task at hand, ‘did you guys have fun?’

The tone in her voice confuses Lucas for a moment, does she know something? 

‘What do you mean? Did you talk to somebody?’ 

Heat creeps up his face and he tells his body to calm down, nothing happened.  
Imane looks up and shrugs her shoulders with an an air of fake-nonchalance. 

‘I may or may not have overheard Idriss talking to Eliott on the phone before I left this morning. I don’t know what they were saying, of course, but from what I could hear, I got the impression that things were… good.’ 

‘Yeah, I guess. Uhm. Yes. It was. Good, I mean. Really good.’

Imane breaks out into a smile and puts a soft hand over his.

‘Good. I’m glad. You two deserve it.’

It’s such a small gesture, really, but he feels a warmth grow inside of him that has nothing to do with the fact that there are people who may know about whatever is going on between him and Eliott. He’s lucky to have a friend like Imane. His face must be giving him away, because Imane pulls her hand away just then. 

‘Alright, enough small talk, let’s get to work huh?’

Like he said, he’s truly grateful for her. 

They end up spending hours studying, long enough for Mika to barge in and ask if they are in need for a refreshment break soon. Deciding that it is indeed time for a much-needed break, Imane walks over to the living room to ‘stretch her legs’, although he has a feeling that might be a euphuism for ‘texting Sofiane’, but he lets it slide. 

Inspired by Imane’s quest to talk to the man of her dreams, he grabs his own phone and shoots a text to Eliott: 

Lucas: How are you feeling? Any hangover symptoms?

Eliott responds almost right away, and Lucas bites his lip in anticipation.

Eliott: No hangover, a bit of a sore throat, though. Guess singing along to every song wasn’t the smartest idea. How’s the study session going?

Reading Eliott’s response makes him realize that he has been holding his breath this entire time. He finally lets it all out, thankful that Eliott isn’t treating him any differently, that they are still LucasandEliott. 

Lucas: Good, but we’re pretty tired. Probably gonna stop soon. 

He presses enter and thinks about his next move. On the one hand, he really wants to see Eliott again, preferably tonight. On the other hand, he doesn’t want to seem overbearing or pushy. Fuck it. No more holding back. 

Lucas: Do you want to hang out later? You could pick one of those shitty movies you love to watch 😉 

Eliott keeps writing and deleting for a long time and it’s making him nervous. Just as he decides to put his phone away and find something to distract himself with, it buzzes again.

Eliott: There is nothing I would love to do more than that, trust me, but I can’t tonight ☹ there is something I have to take care of. Rain check?

Disappointment sets in even though he knows that it’s stupid to get upset over this. They didn’t make any plans, it’s very last minute, but still. Hopes are difficult to manage, apparently. 

Lucas: Sure, no problem. Just name a time and place whenever you can. 

Just his luck. 

Eliott: I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. X 

And that… is new. They never send each other kisses or something like that. While he is thinking about what he could send back, Imane walks through the door. 

‘Ready to get back to it?’

He feels bad about it, but Lucas doesn’t feel like he can concentrate for one minute longer.

‘I’m sorry Imane, but the late night is catching up with me. I can barely keep my eyes open. Is it okay if we get together later this week to finish?’

Imane smiles and nods her head, ‘Sure, no problem. Tell Eliott I said hi.’

Lucas snorts, ‘Well I am not meeting up with Eliott but I’ll tell him when I see him.’

‘Whatever you say, Lulu. Byeeee.’

‘Bye Imane, give Sofiane my best.’ 

Imane nearly trips over her own two feet, and it takes everything in him to not burst out into laughter. If looks could kill, he’d truly be dead by now.

That night he tries to distract himself, goes for a walk near the coloc to clear his mind. There’s just so much happening right now, and without talking to Eliott, he really doesn’t know what to think or feel about it all. Eventually he gives up and decides to just go to bed early, tomorrow there will be another day. 

\--

School on Monday’s is just like taking a day trip to Hell, or so Lucas likes to think. It’s the busiest, most dragging day of the week, and today, he couldn’t be happier for it. Because busy means no time to think, and no time to think means no time to freak out and over analyze Eliott or anything Eliott-related. 

Stuffing his books into his locker between fourth and fifth period, he startles when Imane walks up behind him and gives him a playful shove.

‘Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.’

Lucas huffs, grabbing the strap of his backpack a little tighter than before. 

‘I’m not scared.’

The look on Imane’s face lets him know that he doesn’t sound very credible. But whatever, he’s not scared.

‘Yeah, of course not. Anyways. I just wanted to say sorry for doubting you when you said you weren’t hanging out with Eliott yesterday.’

‘Oh yeah? What changed your mind?’

‘Well, I talked to So-, to Idriss. He told me about the whole Eliott and Lucille thing.’

Lucas feels his blood drain out of his face, instantly nauseous. 

‘What whole Eliott and Lucille thing?’

He blurts it out, he can’t stop himself because damn it, he has to know. Imane looks absolutely horrified. 

‘Oh. He didn’t tell you that? I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.’

‘But-‘

‘I am really sorry, Lucas, I know this is shitty of me, but I didn’t know he hadn’t said anything. It’s really not my place. Talk to Eliott.’

Imane’s eyes soften when she locks eyes with him.

‘Hey, Lucas. I mean it. you should really talk to Eliott.’

What could Eliott possibly have to say for himself that won’t hurt Lucas even more than he already is right now? He can’t do that, he can’t bare the thought of hearing Eliott say I am sorry Lucas, but there’s so much history between us, I can’t let her go. 

He doesn’t bother explaining this to Imane and just says: ‘Yeah. Will do. Thanks, Imane.’ and walks away. Because what’s the point. 

-

The thing is, he only has himself to blame. Nobody will be shocked by this turn of events: Lucille and Eliott have been on again off again for as long as he could remember. Most days, nobody even knew in what stage of their relationship they were, because it could always change in a heartbeat. You’ve got complicated relationships and then you have Lucille and Eliott. Yet somehow, he really thought it was over this time. 

That’s not just some wishful thinking on his part, although granted, it has been his wish for a long, long time now. What happened was that Eliott and Lucas got drunk one night, not too long ago, after Eliott got into a huge fight with Lucille. Eliott was already slightly buzzed when he arrived at the coloc, which is pretty unusual in and of itself, but the fact that he wanted to continue to drink was even more out of the ordinary. Lucas didn’t question it though, he knew that alcohol was one of the major issues Lucille and Eliott fought about, but he also knew that Eliott is smart enough to not drink all that often.

Eliott had texted him just before arriving: I fucked up good this time, but I don’t even mind. It’s over, I mean it. Are you at home?

Lucas had known right away that he was talking about Lucille, but he had also heard the words it’s over for real one too many times to truly believe it. That wasn’t about to stop him from inviting Eliott over, though, so he shot back a quick Yes, come on over and you can vent about it, or not, whatever you want. 

When Eliott knocked on the door a little too loudly, and flung his arms around him as soon as he had opened up, he knew that something was wrong. Eventually Eliott untangled himself just enough to tell him that he knew how this would sound, but that this time, he really didn’t want Lucille back, and even if he did, Lucille wouldn’t take him back anyway. Lucas knew better than to ask why, whenever they fought, he always just let Eliott tell him what he felt comfortable with sharing. 

Turns out, he didn’t need to ask, because Eliott was talking a million miles per minute. He told Lucas that Lucille had been complaining about the fact that Eliott was hanging out with him, which confused Lucas a lot because, Lucille is aware of the fact that they are best friends. Apparently, she had said something along the lines of if you would rather go over to Lucas’ place for the millionth time instead of talking about where this is going, then I don’t think you should come back at all. 

When Lucas wanted to ask him, for once, what exactly she had meant with that and why their friendship had become a problem, or better yet, when it had become a problem, Eliott had sighed and said: ‘Fuck it, Lucas, I am done with that. I give you my word.’ And somehow, the look in Eliott’s eyes, that soft but determined stare that could cause goosebumps even on the sunniest of days, that exact look made Lucas believe him. Maybe it really was over for good, this time. 

If they sat a little closer after that, so close that they were touching from side to side, causing Lucas to vibrate every time Eliott said something, neither of them mentioned it. They didn’t have to. For the first time in a long while, it felt as if they were at peace. 

Tears stream down his face as Lucas forces himself to think of something else, anything else than that day when he really thought that Lucille was out of the picture for good. It was all a lie. Everything that he has been feeling, that he thought Eliott was feeling too – it wasn’t true. All in his head, always making stupid assumptions about people liking him when there was nothing there to like. 

-

Other than to use the toilet and get some water and an occasional piece of fruit when Mika forces it on him, he doesn’t come out of his room the next 4 days

-

There is a voice in the back of his head that is yelling at him. Things like stop being so ridiculous, get your shit together and go to class quickly followed by well why should I? I’m a failure anyway. Self-deprecating remarks aside, the voice also says if you don’t get up soon, people are going to start to worry and at least respond to the text messages your friends have been leaving you but he just. Can’t. Not when he knows that the person who has been trying to reach out the most is the one person he really doesn’t want to think about right now.

In the end, it’s the constant nagging from Mika and worried looks of Manon whenever she comes over, that pulls him out of his slump. Despite the nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach, he opens up his phone and blindly finds Yann’s number, avoiding any and all messages from other people. 

Lucas: Yann, I’m sorry for ghosting everybody. I really wasn’t feeling well at all and I don’t want to talk about it, but I’m coming into school tomorrow. Could you maybe update the gang? Don’t really feel like telling everybody myself. Sorry for this.

Yann: Sure Lulu, no problem. No need to be sorry, but we were all pretty worried. 

Yann: I’ll tell everybody, but Lucas, have you talked to Eliott? I feel like you should really tell him yourself 

Lucas: You don’t have to say anything to him if you don’t want but I’m not talking to him right now.

Yann: Okay… I know you said you don’t want to talk about it, but just know I am here for you if you do <3 

Lucas: Thanks Yann, you’re the best <3

If he is completely honest with himself, he’s glad he texted Yann, and although he didn’t explain what was wrong, he knew that Yann would pick up on the fact that it had to do with Eliott, just more pieces of the puzzle he’s been trying to work out in his head, probably. 

-

Avoiding Eliott has become his new specialty. He has had so much practice over the years, all the times that he was upset because Eliott was talking to Lucille again. All the times that he had a feeling that his friendship with Eliott meant nothing to him. And of course, most recently, right after they kissed during truth or dare. 

It’s a blessing and a curse that they know each other so well. A blessing because that means that Lucas knows Eliott’s schedule by heart, and knows when to stay clear of his locker in order to not run into Eliott. On top of that, he has decided to take the elevator instead of the stairs, knowing that Eliott would never take the elevator because elevators are for lazy people, Lucas.

The moment he realizes that their near-telepathic-bond is also a curse, is when he steps into the elevator and Eliott flings himself inside just before the doors close. Shit. He tries to walk around Eliott and push the button to open up the doors, but Eliott blocks him, softly holding him by his arms in a way that says I’m not forcing you to stay but please don’t go. Lucas shrugs his hands off of him and pushes the button again, just as the elevator starts moving. 

All of the sudden, the elevator shocks and stops as an alarm goes off. Great, sure, of course. Stuck in the goddamn elevator with Eliott Demaury. His life is a joke. 

Static noises jump out of the intercom, followed by a deep voice telling them to hold on, the problem is getting fixed asap. 

Slumped against the wall, he groans as he lets himself slide down. What’s the point in standing up, anyway? 

‘Lucas, please, could you just tell me what is going on? I’ve been trying to reach you all week. I don’t understand, I thought things were… good, between us?’ 

Eliott slides down the wall opposed from him, their legs meeting halfway, and it’s not fair, how defeated Eliott sounds. It’s not fair because he should know what’s wrong. 

‘I thought we made a promise.’

Lucas looks up at him, the question in his mind must be reflected on his face: what promise?

‘That we wouldn’t avoid each other anymore.’

‘I haven’t just been avoiding you. I haven’t talked to anybody. Wasn’t feeling well.’ 

He knows it’s a copout, but. Well. He can’t bring himself to say it. 

‘Did you at least read my messages?’

‘Uhm, no. Sorry. I got kind of – overwhelmed. I just texted Yann and asked him to tell the rest. That’s it.’

‘I know, he told me. I just hoped… never mind.’

The silence between them is weird and awkward, and Lucas hates everything about it. A loose thread on his jeans captures his attention, fingers wandering over there, picking and probing, until he feels Eliott’s leg nudge his own. 

‘Hey, Lucas. Truth or dare?’

‘Are you kidding me?’

‘Nope. Why? You’ve got something better to do?’

He hates whenever Eliott uses logic to get his way. 

‘No, I guess not.’

‘Well, then. What’s the problem? You scared?’

Sometimes he wishes he wasn’t this easily provoked, and now is one of those times.

‘Scared? I’m not scared. Why would I be scared?’

‘I don’t know. Scared of losing, maybe.’

Eliott grins, his eyes turning into those familiar crescent moons that nobody could resist. 

‘Truth or dare isn’t a game you can lose at, Eliott.’

‘The guy who witnessed Basile’s mooning begs to differ.’

A snort involuntarily comes out of his mouth, he tries to mask it but knows that Eliott saw it.

‘It’s nice to see you smile. I’ve missed it.’

And yes, sure, fine, that melts his heart and gives him a feeling he can’t describe, but he’s not going to let him get away with this that easily.

‘Fine. We’ll play. I’ll start. So, what will it be? Truth or dare?’ 

Eliott answers without hesitating, like he’s been expecting him to ask just that.

‘Truth.’

There is a lot he could ask right now, because he has so many questions. After going back and forth for a bit, he settles for the one that’s been on his mind the most. 

‘Why do you keep saying you won’t go back to Lucille, and yet you always, always go back?’

Eliott looks up at the ceiling, seems to be contemplating how to answer that. The tilt of his head exposes his long neck, and it reminds Lucas of that night not long ago, when they first played Truth or dare in the foyer. Once again, Lucas has to look away.

‘I don’t know… or, well, that’s not entirely true. I know, I am just not proud of it. Sometimes a relationship that isn’t entirely healthy anymore, seems like a better idea than no relationship at all.  
I guess I have been very dependent on her, for a long time, and it’s hard to cut ties. Besides, this might be hard to believe but… it wasn’t all bad. We really did have a nice time together, Lucille and I, before the shitstorms started to happen. So, I guess it just felt safe, in a way. I kept on hoping that it would be better this time, even though a voice inside me always knew that I was fooling myself. I meant what I said though, I’m not going back anymore.’ 

Suddenly he can’t keep it inside any longer, he has to ask. 

‘Then why were you hanging out with her the other day, when I asked you if you wanted to do something together? Better yet, why didn’t you just tell me about it? The fact that you kept it to yourself clearly says enough.’

Only when he’s done does he look up, and Eliott looks pissed off. Good. That makes both of them.

‘It says enough, does it? I am trying to be patient here, Lucas, but honestly this isn’t any of your business and I don’t appreciate the fact that you have apparently been spying or snooping on me. I can meet up with whoever I want, I don’t actually have to tell you anything, really.’

There is a fire in Eliott’s eyes that Lucas never saw before, it’s so intense it makes him shiver, and not in a good way. There’s no backing down now, though. 

‘No, you are right. Why should you tell me anything?’

In all the frustration and rage running through him, he hadn’t even realized the elevator had started to move again, until he heard the familiar ping that indicated they arrived at their destination.

‘You know, Lucas, I have been tiptoeing around you for the longest time. I’ve thought to myself, maybe if I give him some space, he will come around. Maybe if I show him how much he means to me, things will work out all by themselves. We’ve basically confessed to each other that there is something there between us, that should be enough, right? Enough to trust each other that we’re working towards something, here? But I guess not.’ 

Eliott shakes his head in frustration, gripping his hair. 

‘I was too blind to realize that you don’t trust me, in fact. That you’re just as controlling as her. I’m done with this. We’re done.’

It feels like a punch in the gut, yet he can’t speak. Can’t do anything but scramble off the floor and flee out of the elevator before he bust out into tears. Once he’s out, he’s running towards the exit. In the distance, he vaguely hears someone call his name, but he’s too out of it to stop now, he has to get out of there.


	6. Chapter 6

The walk home doesn’t even register in his brain, he’s so caught up in his own thoughts and anger that he doesn’t even know how he gets to the coloc. Thank god for autopilot, he supposes. Silence greets him when he enters, a silver lining he eagerly accepts. 

Kicking off his shoes, he walks towards the couch and lets himself fall down onto it. He feels absolutely, scarily numb. 

Eliott and him have had fights before, naturally. Any two friends can fight. It was never like this though, it never felt as if something was seriously damaged between them. 

A few hours ago, he was sure that he was in his right to be angry with Eliott, to confront him with the fact that he met up with Lucille, but now he’s not so sure anymore. 

Eliott was so mad at him, it scares him a little. No matter what he tries, he can’t get the image out his mind. The worst thing is that in the past, whenever he felt this way, this broken down or beat up, he would always call Eliott. There’s probably a joke one could make about irony, but Lucas is too tired to care. 

A sharp knock on the door makes him jump a little. As ridiculous as it may be, he’d recognize that knock anywhere. 

It feels like there’s lead in his legs as he walks to the door and opens up.

‘Hey.’

He takes in the boy in front of him, who doesn’t look like the Eliott he knows. The Eliott that he – if he dared to admit it to himself – loves. Hair messier than usual, and skin even whiter than before. He looks – upset. More than upset. 

‘Hi.’

It comes out of him like a rush of air, as if he has been holding on to it even since their fight. His jaw is set.

‘I’m really fucking sorry.’

Lucas knows he means it. 

‘No, listen – come on in – I should be the one who’s sorry.’ 

He walks into the apartment and towards the couch, like he belongs there. In a way, he always has. It’s part of why it feels so good between them, a certain familiarity that doesn’t feel weird. It’s inviting. It’s like coming home. Lucas follows him and debates whether or not he should sit next to Eliott but goes for a chair instead. Easier to talk that way, he tells himself. 

Eliott takes him in from head to toe, and for some reason, it makes him blush. 

‘Damn it, Lucas, you are really fucking stubborn sometimes. Can you just – let me apologize, please? And then you can have your turn.’

Lucas flinches, this isn’t going as he hoped it would go. 

‘Okay, sorry.’

‘What did I just say?’

Realizing it a second too late, Lucas puts his head in his hands until he hears Eliott chuckle a little. It’s enough to make him look up. It’s enough to break the ice. Eliott starts talking. 

‘I think I might have unleashed something on you just then that wasn’t entirely fair. Because, yes, I do still stand by my statement that I had hoped that you would trust me enough. But, now that the dust has settled a little bit, I can see how my actions weren’t exactly clear to you. And I shouldn’t have accused you of being controlling. I’m sorry for that, too.’

Hesitation almost gets the best of him, but he doesn’t let it win. This is it, it’s now or never. 

‘What was the reason that you… reacted like that, then?’

‘I guess our argument just really reminded me of the arguments I used to have with Lucille, whenever she got mad at me for not telling her who I hung out with or kept asking me why I didn’t text her back. Plus, you know, I met up with Lucille on Sunday because I wanted to tell her that I had feelings for someone else. So, you of all people, accusing me of seeing her again really hurt.’

Eliott looks up at him through his eyelashes, a shyness there that makes him look younger than he is. He is about ready to pinch himself. What if, what if, what if.

‘You have feelings for someone?’

Eliott rolls his eyes and gets off of the couch, closing the space between them, making Lucas crane his neck before Eliott is extending his hands out to him. His heart skips a beat as he takes them in his own and gets up, lacing their fingers together. 

‘Yes, dummy. Are you telling me this comes as a shock to you? I mean, I don’t know about you, but I don’t always call kisses with people during truth or dare meaningful, and I also don’t normally grind with them on the dancefloor and tell them I’ve been wanting to do that all night.’

Here’s the thing, the message is absolutely clear and he couldn’t be happier right now, but he just can’t help himself. 

‘Just so we’re absolutely clear... You are saying that you? Have feelings? For me?’

Eliott rolls his eyes and squeezes his hands not unkindly, a gesture he could get used to. 

‘Are those three separate questions?’

‘I guess it’s more of a way to process this. I mean yes, I did kind of know, but. I also didn’t want to get my hopes up. I’ve kind of had the largest crush on you for years, and I know it wasn’t fair for me to jump to conclusions about Lucille, but seeing as I’ve been witness to all your break ups and make ups, I feared the worse.’ 

It’s weird to finally be this truthful, but it is oddly liberating. He doesn’t have to hide the truth anymore. He doesn’t have to hide himself. 

‘I’m sorry Lucas. Sorry that I put you through that,’ Eliott shakes his head and looks a little sad. ‘I had no idea. I wish we talked about this sooner.’

‘Yeah, well, I didn’t really want to risk our friendship by saying ‘Hey Eliott, guess what? I’m gay. Oh, and also, I pretty much realized that fact because you being my best friend has been my sexual awakening’’. 

‘Oh my god, Lucas. Really? You can’t just say that!’

‘That’s what I am saying!’

Eliott laughs, exasperated. 

‘No, I mean – damn it, Lucas. The fact that you’ve had a thing for me for all those years… and it’s not only that. It’s everything. The things you say, how you always take care of everybody and never let anyone close enough to take care of you, the way your eyes can shine so bright that it’s like drowning in oceans. Everything. You have no idea what you are doing to me, do you?’

And this – this is what makes it all worth it. Them. Finally. 

‘I’m beginning to have an inkling. I might need more than that, though.’

Eliott hums encouragingly. 

‘Is that so? And whatever would you need to persuade you?’

‘Well, for starters, I want you to know that the next time we kiss, I am not playing truth or dare.’

Pretending to mull it over, Eliott stares pensively into the distance. 

‘I think I can live with that.’

‘Just to be clear, it’s not just that I don’t want our next kiss to be during a game. It’s also that I don’t want to wait that long.’

Lucas looks up at Eliott, emboldened by their conversation. He hopes that the look in his eyes says enough, but lets his own wander to Eliott’s lips nonetheless, who gets the hint and leans in until their lips are softly touching, and it’s everything. It sets off a spark inside of him that he knows is shared between them, as Eliott lets out a soft moan against his lips. Their hands untangle themselves and lead their own lives, going where they want to go; Lucas flings his arms around Eliott’s neck and Eliott, in turn, holds Lucas’ face in his, only breaking their kiss for a second to look at him and shake his head in wonder before he dives back in. 

When they finally break for air, he asks him about the headshake. 

‘What’s wrong?’

‘No, nothing is wrong.’ He leans their foreheads together. ‘The opposite, really. I was just thinking how dumb we’ve been. We could have done this a whole lot sooner if we got our shit together before now.’

Lucas snorts. He’s not wrong.

‘God, we’re the worst, aren’t we?’

‘Such a mess.’

‘Wouldn’t want to have it any other way, though’

‘Me neither.’ 

For once, Lucas believes that with his whole heart.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Come say hi on tumblr if you want, @jebentnietalleen.


End file.
